Monster
by BarracudaHeart
Summary: Russia's insanity and torment have gone over the edge, and he has now done something truly horrible. What is he thinking? UPDATE- 6/15/12 NEW CHAPTER ENDING, PLEASE READ AUTHOR'S NOTE.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N- This was my first Hetalia fanfiction, and I'm a little disappointed. I know the Baltics are OOC, and I'll try to improve on that. Oh well, it was fun to write all the same. Enjoy! I do not own Hetalia, this was written for fun.**

The inside of the dark tool shed met light once again after many months of nothing but dark and musty solitude, when Raivis feverishly swung open the door, and closed it right behind him. He continued forward quickly, shaking as he did so. Blindly staggering through the maze of tools, he nervously was muttering under his breath.

_Keep quiet...keep quiet...keep quiet and he won't find you..._ he said silently to himself. He knew it would most likely be a futile hope, but it was all he had.

Raivis felt all around himself, blindly trying to find a place to hide in the dark shed. He saw a hole in the wood roof cast a small shoot of light down into the shed, and reflect a gleam off of an old metal washtub. Raivis fumbled frantically to the washtub, and scurried behind it, quickly hunkering down behind it. As he crouched down, he hit a metal pot full of railroad spikes, which made a loud clattering noise. Raivis silently whined nervously.

_Please tell me he didn't hear that...please...please..._ prayed the small country.

He knew he shouldn't have run but what else could he have done? Toris needed him then.

He winced, remembering the events that occured 10 minutes before.

* * *

Toris had apparently angered Ivan for some unknown reason (which was usually the case), and that all-too-familiar purple aura enveloped the large country, and that almost manic look in his eyes. He had then grabbed his loyal subordinate by the throat, and lifted him off the floor. Eduard wasn't there, and Raivis hid meekly behind the table. He was shaking almost uncontrollably, remaining unnoticed by Ivan. He was frozen with fear, too afraid to do anything. It was when Toris made those..._horrid_ gasping and choking sounds for air that he was so afraid for his friend. He had then stood up, and gave a choked cry, "Mister Russia! S-stop!" Ivan had then turned to see Latvia, and gave an equally manic look to him. He had dropped Toris, who crawled off to safety. Ivan had then began to slowly walk menacingly toward Raivis, his faucet pipe "Mr. Discipline" in hand. Raivis, filled to the brim with fear, ran straight out of the room, outside, and seeing the toolshed, ran inside.

* * *

Raivis then felt a tremor of fear travel down his spine when the shed door opened a few unsettling minutes later. His worst fear at the moment was coming true, for in the doorway loomed Ivan. But the large country had no horrid aura surrounding him, and his eyes showed no malice. He cheerfully asked the small, shaking country, "Why are you in the shed Latvia?"

The latter simply quivered.

Ivan then gave a sweet smile and walked over to the terrified country. Raivis shuddered with fear.

"Ah, you're wondering about Liet, da? Oh he's fine. See?" Ivan pointed outside the shed, where in the garden, Lithuania was back to weeding. The latter turned his head, smiled nervously and waved to Russia, and walked to the other end of the garden.

"I'm sorry to have frightened you Latvia, I understand you were just trying to help,da."

The small Baltic's shaking ceased slowly. The taller offered his hand. Raivis was hesitant, but saw the taller country's face. Soft...innocent...he seemed friendly enough...

He reached out, and Ivan helped him up, wrapping his arm around him as to hug him.

"Da, I think you're my favorite person here."

Raivis accepted the hug, but all the more warily.

"See, I'm not so bad, da?"

The large nation's coat was very warm...almost comforting. The calm was almost enveloping, and Raivis tried to enjoy it best he could. But after a few seconds...

"-But your actions were unorthodox for a subordinate, Latvia." Ivan's tone then became colder...and rather eery. "I do not appreciate you defying me."

Raivis froze, not being able to pull himself away from Ivan's now clutching grip on his head.

Glowing purple aura.

"Not. At. All."

Twisted grin.

Horrified realization.

Before Raivis could clearly know what had happened in those last seconds, Russia's metal faucet pipe swung quickly and brutally, meeting at the point on his back where the back meets the neck. When force was applied, there was a quick scream from the little country, cut off by a sickening crunch. Ivan released him, and he crumpled to the floor with a loud thud, hitting a wheelbarrow harshly with his neck, knocking over some garden shears. The clatter of the tools had drowned out the horrible snapping of the bones.

Ivan's cold gaze seemed to melt away after a few moments of silence. He didn't seem to notice that Latvia was on the floor, gravely injured. He turned his head, and saw there were tools knocked over, spilled on the floor. He smiled warmly, and said to Raivis, who was twitching spasmically, vital bones having splintered him,

"Latvia, it would be possible for you to pick up all these tools, and organize them, da?"

_twitch_

"I'm sure Estonia's making tea, and I'm sure it will taste wonderful, da?"

_spasms, 'so cold...'_

"I'll be sure to save you a nice hot cup when you're finished, alright?" and with those final words, Ivan calmly walked back to his kitchen.

_shudder 'so cold...maybe if I shut my eyes...'_

A few minutes later, the shaking ceased.

* * *

Ivan, smiling his normally childish smile, went into the kitchen, and saw to his delight a metal kettle of tea steaming on the stove. He opened his cupboard, and took out two china teacups. He filled them both with steaming water, and a tea bag. Carefully sipping at his, he smiled gently, admiring the flower vase that he had Toris carefully arrange that morning.

He then waited, wondering why Latvia had not come inside for his tea? Was picking up simple gardening tools that difficult?

He stared down into his tea, he remembered how the little country was lying on the floor. He really didn't know why actually. It seemed there were many incidents where one of his subordinates would be on the floor for some reason. They'd get up again, and start acting nervous around him. Why?

Ivan finished his tea, and decided to walk back outside to remind Raivis of his tea. As he walked toward the shed, he could hear voices. Worried voices, filled with horror and grief.

* * *

"No! Raivis! Latvia, don't leave us!" screamed an all too familiar voice.

"Liet, we can't do anything to help him now..."

"Latvia! Latvia, wake up! Please!"

Worried, Ivan picked up the pace, hurrying into the shed. Inside he saw Toris and Eduard crouched over Raivis. He was laying where he last saw him. On the ground next to Eduard was a cup of tea, still full.

"Th-this shouldn't have happened! He was too young!" choked Lithuania, his eyes filled with grief.

Eduard looked up, and his usually calm eyes were glistening with grief. But as his gaze rested on a confused Ivan, they hardened with an almost abnormal anger and hatred. His lip curled angrily.

"Did you do this?"

Shocked, Ivan stuttered, "N-no!...At least I don't think I did...he was alright when I left him..."

Estonia's eyes rested on the metal faucet pipe. Latvia's injuries could have only been caused by something blunt...

Eduard grabbed his tea cup, angrily shaking, and charged toward Ivan. He threw the tea in his face. It wasn't hot tea, but it gave Russia enough of a surprise.

Ivan flinched as he was splashed in the face with the liquid. He spat out the stray tea, and shocked, stared at his usually collected subordinated puzzled and surprised.

Eduard growled clearly and brutally, "You murderer. Not only have you battered us in the past, but you just killed your youngest subordinate. He never did anything wrong to you, and you fucking kill him like this?"

Growing pale, Ivan stuttered, "B-but I didn't kn-"

Eduard growled, "How could you not KNOW? You beat him with your pipe, and once you had any sense left in you, you just let him DIE? You didn't even try to save him?"

Russia had nothing to say.

Estonia pointed a cold, unforgiving finger at him, "As of today, you're not just a country. You're a cold-hearted murderer. "

Ivan covered his head with his hands, "I didn't mean to! I didn't know it would kill him..."

The other country spat, "But then again, how many other countries and people have you killed? More than I can even count. Well for all you would ever care, I don't care if you kill me on the spot right now. Because until the day I die, I'm praying that you'll burn in hell for all I care."

Lithuania gasped a little, "Estonia..."

Eduard glared at him a moment, "You know you're thinking the same thing too Liet. After what he did to you..."

Toris looked away, traumatized at the horrible memory of his terrible beatings.

Ivan shuddered, horrifed and shocked, his breath heavy. He then curled up a fist and proceeded to swing at Eduard, who made no sudden moves. But as he raised his fist, he stared at Estonia, and breathing heavily, dropped his fist. EStonia glared at him a moment longer, then charged out of the shed, smashing the teacup on the ground.

Shocked with dismay and fear, Toris looked at Ivan. His face was a sickly pale, and his eyes were bleak. He was staring at Raivis' corpse, a horrified frown. He gave a shudder, making a quiet whining noise in the back of his throat.

Toris choked out fearfully, "M-Mr. Russia?"

"G-get out..."

"What?"

Ivan slowly stepped towards him, his eyes filled with an almost manic hurt, "I SAID GET OUT. GO AWAY!"

Toris got up immediately and ran out of the shed, nearly knocking over the wheelbarrow. He looked back, and saw Russia's face have an expression he'd never seen before. It was difficult to pinpoint exactly what, but he could tell what he was thinking:

_Help me, I'm a monster..._

_

* * *

_

Ivan, shaking, kneeled over Raivis. Trembling, he scooped up the lifeless country, and sat, leaning against the shed wall. When Latvia's head lolled to the side, a small trickle of blood ran from his mouth. Eyes lost, Ivan took his scarf, and wiped it up. He cradled the dead boy in his arms, and looked at his face. He almost looked like he was sleeping. Ivan, still melancholy, thought of when Latvia was first a country.

* * *

_The little country was stuck in the snow, crying. The snow was piling up, and flakes were flying quickly around, blowing into little Latvia's face, stinging with cold. When he tried to crawl out of the snowdrift, he'd sink back in. He shivered, his cries being drowned out by the snow. His tears froze on his cheeks, causing his face to sting harder. It didn't help that he had no scarf or heavy coat. He shouldn't have walked into the cold, but he wanted to see the snow._

_A tall form was beginning to appear in the showers of snowflakes. The form then became a person. He was wearing a heavy winter coat, and a scarf. His face was very soft, and childish. He perked up at hearing Latvia's cries. He walked over to the snowdrift, and saw the little one struggling in the snowdrift. A bit surprised that a little child was stuck in the snow, he reached out a large hand, and was able to lift him out._

_Latvia shivered more, and was surprised to see someone had lifted him out. He felt warm, so he clung to the larger one's leg._

_Russia smiled, and lifted up the little one, and held him, draping him over with his scarf. Latvia clung to the scarf, snuggling in its warmth._

_"You must be Latvia, you're a new country, da?"_

_"Y-yes..."_

_"You don't have a home do you?"_

_"N-no...not that I know of..."_

_"Well I can fix that, da."_

_Russia continued on his way, keeping the child warm. By the time he returned home, the child was asleep, cradled in his arm._

_He smiled._

* * *

Lithuania went inside, to see a despondent Estonia slumped at the table, his head in his arms, a new cup of tea untouched.

It hurt Lithuania to see his usually calm and controlled friend like this.

"Eduard?"

"I hate him..."

"I know, but if he kills you too, that could cause problems for everyone...and I'd miss you..."

"...I don't care. He killed Latvia, and expects he can just get away with it."

"Well...I don't know...did you see the guilt in his eyes?"

"Oh please. The next minute, he'll try to kill you and forget all about it."

"...Poor Latvia..."

"He was too young, he didn't deserve that..."

"...I wish Russia wasn't so cruel..."

Eduard growled, "I wish he was dead."

Toris sighed and guiltily said, "I sometimes wish the same...and I think he was wishing it too..."

Estonia looked up, "What?"

"A bit after you left, he made me leave, and was holding Latvia. He had this...face...this horrible face...as though he hated himself. It almost made me sick having to see that face on him..."

"...Why...why the hell did he do this?...no reason..."

"I don't know...I don't even think he KNOWS he did it...it's almost as though he has two people in his head...one is all friendly and like a kid, and the other is just..." and Toris shuddered.

"...I want to kill whatever other side did this..."

Toris wrapped his arms around Eduard. The latter began to shudder and let out a silent sob as the tears fell. They silently mourned for their lost Baltic companion.

A short while later, after the embrace was broken, Lithuania gave a reassuring smile joking lightly, "Come on now, you're supposed to be the refined one. I'll be the one who does any killing."

Estonia gave a small smile back, and looked out the window. Snowflakes were slowly fluttering down as the evening sky slowly began to set in.

* * *

Ivan looked down at Latvia. He looked so small and pale.

_The child I found in the snow...he was supposed to become a country like me...one with Russia..._

He stroked the boy's cold, pale hair. They did nothing in response, but lay limply in his arms.

_I was supposed to take care of him. Discipline him..._

He held him close to his chest.

_I killed him...I didn't want to kill him..._

His eyes grew large tears,

_I murdered him...an innocent boy...I'm a monster..._

Hot tears trickling down his cheeks, dripping onto Latvia's pale face.

_I'm a monster...I'm pathetic..._

At that moment everything was beginning to go cloudy...that all too familiar feeling for Russia...but there was one thing he could do at that moment.

Cry.

He choked out a sob, and more tears fell onto Ravis. He sobbed more, choking on his own cries.

_I'm a monster..._

_

* * *

_

Lithuania felt it was his duty to take up the grave job of moving Latvia's body. As he stepped closer he could feel a shiver go up his spine as soon as he could hear the unsettling noise. He was a bit haunted by the sobbing coming from the shed.

_Oh god, what else happened?_

He cautiously walked into the shed and saw Ivan shuddering and sobbing as he cradled the lifeless Raivis. The purple aura was ever so faintly surrounding him.

"R-Russia?" asked Toris who proceeded to walk over.

"G-go away! I'm a monster!"

Toris paused and looked at him. It was incredibly unsettling to see an intimidating country cry like a sad child.

He reached out his hand, "Mr. Russia, it's alri-"

Russia dropped Latvia and as one hand grabbed his wrist, the other swiped the metal faucet pipe on the ground. His face had a look of manic upset and anger.

_Kolkolkol_"GO AWAY! I DON'T WANT TO HURT YOU EITHER!"_Kolkolkol_

Toris flinched. The two countries stared at eachother, the larger breathing heavily, his eyes wild with an almost fearful insanity in them. But soon, the eyes softened, and tears flowed.

It scared Lithuania to see Russia break down like that. He slowly knelt to the ground, and ever so cautiously took the faucet pipe from Russia's hand, and put it on the ground. Russia shuddered, whimpering as tears fell, "I'm a monster...I'm a monster..."

Toris put a hand on his shoulder and said quietly, "No you're not. It's alright."

He hugged Ivan, who rested his head on his shoulder, muffling his sobbing.

He then sat down right next to Ivan whos loud crying began to die down. For some time, nothing happened, except for some silent tears. They both just sat there, shuddering from both the cold weather, and harsh emotions. Latvia's body rested on Ivan's lap. After some time Lithuania could feel something rest on his shoulder. Ivan had fallen asleep, his face still stained by tears, but his face somewhat peaceful. Lithuania rose, gently, so as to not wake up Russia, and lifted Raivis' body out of his lap. He would take him inside, and they'd bury him the following morning.

* * *

Estonia was walking out toward the shed, and gave a solemn look at the body. He then asked, "Where's Russia?"

"He fell asleep in the shed. I left him in there. I'll give him a blanket later."

"What happened?"

"It's really hard to describe. He was just crying like some little kid, and he was saying that he was a monster..."

"Do you really think he was guilty about it?"

Toris thought a minute, "...Yes, I think he was...I think he felt as though it was the worst thing he's ever done...I've never seen him cry like that..."

"Well I'm afraid I can't ever forgive him. What about you?"

Lithuania turned away, "...I just don't know..."

They both silently walked back into the house.

* * *

Meanwhile, Ivan slumbered solidly, dreaming of little Latvia in the snow, and at one point in the dream, he heard him say, "я тебя люблю отец Россия"

A tear slipped from his sleeping eyes.

* * *

Thanks for reading! And no, Latvia did not really die. This is noncanon

Translations-

я тебя люблю отец Россия - I love you father Russia


	2. Chapter 2 and IMPORTANT NOTE

Russia shot forward with a gasp as consciousness overtook him. Cold sweat left his pajamas sticking to him uncomfortably. He tried to catch his breath, feeling shivers in his spine. He eventually calmed his breathing so it was normal. He gazed around his room. As usual, it was big, dark, and quiet. Like the night before.

He felt something on his cheeks. He touched one with his finger, and moisture was scooped on it. Ivan wiped his eyes, trying to get them to stop. This couldn't be happening again.

_This was the third time this month..._

Making sure he was right, he slowly got up from his bed, glancing at his new digital clock, reading 2:47 AM. He went down the hall, and peeked in one of the bedrooms. There were the three; Estonia, Lithuania, and Latvia, all crammed together on one bed. And all three were breathing in relaxed sleep.

Ivan smiled in relief, and could feel his eyes burning again. He swallowed a sob as he quietly reassured himself it was all just a nightmare he had suffered. Nobody was dead, and he was not a monster completely.

He shakily walked back to his room, and laid back down in bed, pulling the thin sheets over him. He curled himself up tightly, staring at the clock. Soon, the 3:00 hour ticked by, as he breathed heavily, trying to find comfort in the silence.

But all he found was the recurring images flashing again. The images of the pipe swinging, the sickening crunch, the screams. The lifelessness. It wouldn't go away.

Ivan had locked away his faucet pipe, so he wouldn't have to worry about hurting people with it, but he still dreamed of it clenched in his hands, as he swung it down on faces of fear and horror. Swinging down uncontrolled, as he was pulled out of his own conscious free will by spirits, left to watch everything from a glass room, as he would put his hand to his head in pain and agony. When he had a chance to control himself again, he'd apologize, over and over, trying to make things right, but it would be too late. He had no choice. He had no control. A monster lurked within him. And it preyed on him every time. And when he fell victim every time, it would use his remains as a mask to hunt those he loved.

He had gone to a psychiatrist. He had told them of what happened; _I have recurring nightmares of me and those I know. At first, we're talking, maybe smiling and laughing. But then it goes dark, and when it clears up, they're dead...and everyone is screaming at me, telling me I've beaten them to death or something, and that I'm a monster._

But they did nothing to help him.

First it was Belarus, then Ukraine, and now Latvia. Each was a horrific image that was still in his mind. They were still alive, but he had dreamed of their deaths at his hand, and he was afraid to be near them, fearing he might actually harm them.

_It's only a dream._

_A terrible, horrific dream._

_A nightmare._

_Don't worry._

_Only monsters would do things like that._

He grabbed the pillow, held it to his chest, drew his knees up and cried. Silently, so nobody could or would ever hear him. While they slept, he wept.

What if he had it all wrong? What if there really was no monster? What if it was just him?

And they always wondered why he never smiled anymore. He was afraid to smile. He was afraid it would unlock the demons lurking within.

The monsters he could not control.

* * *

**6/15/12**

**Alright, explanation time.**

**As many of you know, I am not proud of this story. I wrote it a year and a half ago, when I was new to Hetalia, and thus I was kind of a Heta-tard for a short period of time. I wrote this story without much to go on, and now that I look at it I cringe. Because it is over the top, poorly written, with terrible portrayals. I am ashamed with the character of Russia I had given to this story, and I considered many many times of deleting this story. Because I cannot stand rapetruck!superabusive!evil!murderer!Russia. It's an unfair portrayal. And even if this story didn't go that far, I think it cut a little too close. **

**I was not pleased with the ending idea of Latvia actually getting killed. One because he's awesome, and two because it just was too poor of an ending. I write too many deathfics when I self proclaim my love for comedy. So I wanted to change it.**

**My solution...add a new ending.**

**Meaning that the first chapter you just read was a nightmare of Russia. Nobody died, but the poor guy is still hurting. Because let's face it, he's not all there...**

**And with this ending, I think that Russia's character is more justified, without being a 'nicer' portrayal. It's more human and emotional. And there are no shaking pre-pubescent boys dying from getting smacked on the head.**

**Enjoy~**

**Purply**


End file.
